Saturday, August 30, 2008
Edit of 1st post
Think the 2nd paragraph of my first post was rather unclear. So I edited it abit, hope its clearer now.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Alice and Nicole
Conclusion
Well, thanks for all the comments and inputs. The ending to this story is actually a very sad one. Alice and Nicole did not talk about this incident and no closure to this problem was ever attempted. Jack and Nicole got involved in an accident, Jack survived, Nicole died. This situation has really taught me something deep. Any conflicts be it big or small should be settled asap. This situation could have been resolved if they really really sat down and talked about it. This incident has left Alice very remorseful even up till now.
Story of Alice and Nicole
This problem actually happened to 2 of my best female friends, which I am going to name Alice and Nicole.
Alice and Nicole were best of friends since secondary school. When they were studying in polytechnic, they used to work as waitresses at a restaurant. They enjoyed each other’s company very much and had a good relationship; at least that was what Nicole thought.
There was a guy (I’ll call him Jack) at their workplace that Alice started to fall in love with. Alice liked Jack a lot so she was always talking to him and they often went for supper after work with Nicole. After awhile Alice had the idea that Jack was also into her. However that was not the case, Jack had in fact fallen for Nicole and had started to woo her. (At this point I should clarify that both Jack and Nicole did not know that Alice likes Jack. Also, I am not sure if Jack had done anything to lead Alice into thinking that he likes her.)
The problem comes when Nicole and Jack got together. Alice got so mad at Nicole and started to spread evil rumors about Nicole and even blogged about her snatching away her “boyfriend” Jack. Things got out of hands and news spread to Nicole. Judging by how angry Nicole got, we knew their relationship is hanging by the thread.
What should all the 3 parties do? I wonder if anyone of them could have prevented this from happening.
*Digression
Being a science geek, I was searching through the web for definitions of interpersonal problems and the science of it. Stumbled upon this very interesting paper “Interpersonal Problems and Interpersonal Expectations in Everyday Life”. I read its introduction and discussion and going by the gist of it, this paper is very engaging, but sadly I am not knowledgeable enough to fully comprehend.
Well, thanks for all the comments and inputs. The ending to this story is actually a very sad one. Alice and Nicole did not talk about this incident and no closure to this problem was ever attempted. Jack and Nicole got involved in an accident, Jack survived, Nicole died. This situation has really taught me something deep. Any conflicts be it big or small should be settled asap. This situation could have been resolved if they really really sat down and talked about it. This incident has left Alice very remorseful even up till now.
Story of Alice and Nicole
This problem actually happened to 2 of my best female friends, which I am going to name Alice and Nicole.
Alice and Nicole were best of friends since secondary school. When they were studying in polytechnic, they used to work as waitresses at a restaurant. They enjoyed each other’s company very much and had a good relationship; at least that was what Nicole thought.
There was a guy (I’ll call him Jack) at their workplace that Alice started to fall in love with. Alice liked Jack a lot so she was always talking to him and they often went for supper after work with Nicole. After awhile Alice had the idea that Jack was also into her. However that was not the case, Jack had in fact fallen for Nicole and had started to woo her. (At this point I should clarify that both Jack and Nicole did not know that Alice likes Jack. Also, I am not sure if Jack had done anything to lead Alice into thinking that he likes her.)
The problem comes when Nicole and Jack got together. Alice got so mad at Nicole and started to spread evil rumors about Nicole and even blogged about her snatching away her “boyfriend” Jack. Things got out of hands and news spread to Nicole. Judging by how angry Nicole got, we knew their relationship is hanging by the thread.
What should all the 3 parties do? I wonder if anyone of them could have prevented this from happening.
*Digression
Being a science geek, I was searching through the web for definitions of interpersonal problems and the science of it. Stumbled upon this very interesting paper “Interpersonal Problems and Interpersonal Expectations in Everyday Life”. I read its introduction and discussion and going by the gist of it, this paper is very engaging, but sadly I am not knowledgeable enough to fully comprehend.
Friday, August 22, 2008
First of many
When I was a training sergeant in the army, this particular instructor never fails to instill these two phrases into our heads. “Always take cover” and “Never get exposed to friendly fire”. During one of our training missions, we were confronted by a group of rebels with heavy firepower. In the midst of our tactical advance, I was faced with a dilemma of either taking cover behind a small rock that could barely cover my face, or behind a big tree and risk myself being exposed to friendly fire. Desperate as I am, I made a choice but to my shocking surprise that instructor kicked me in the head.
I guess being in stressful situations can really cloud our decision-making skills. On hindsight, was it really my lousy decision-making skills that got me kicked or was the instructions that were unclear? In my defense, I really think that its the way the instructions was dished out by my instructor. He used 'always' and 'never' in both the phrases signify that either instruction was correct. Using extremities in language has been a taboo and one should avoid that when possible. I was faced with the two phrases that had extreme words in it. Making it difficult for me to make a decision because both phrases are true. I can hide behind both a tree or behind a rock and still be correct, so why did I get punished?
Communication to me is like an evolving virus, the more I understand it, the more complex it becomes. Passing on messages, interpreting ideas, displaying feelings and many more forms of communication have all infected our life. All of us have performed such actions before but I feel not many have fully understood it. I realized many of us have a perception that we are communicating effectively but that’s not usually the case. In a workplace context, the need to comprehend communication becomes even more obvious. The need to pass on message to other colleagues with clarity, presenting winning ideas to merchants and most importantly to convey messages to your boss (pay rise anyone?). Complex as it might be, we have to make sure our arsenal of skills in communication is fully equipped and ready to deploy.
Till now, I still have not fully grasp the idea of effective communication. Hopefully I will understand it soon enough and become a professional at the art of communication.
Oh, by the way, I chose the rock as my cover.
I guess being in stressful situations can really cloud our decision-making skills. On hindsight, was it really my lousy decision-making skills that got me kicked or was the instructions that were unclear? In my defense, I really think that its the way the instructions was dished out by my instructor. He used 'always' and 'never' in both the phrases signify that either instruction was correct. Using extremities in language has been a taboo and one should avoid that when possible. I was faced with the two phrases that had extreme words in it. Making it difficult for me to make a decision because both phrases are true. I can hide behind both a tree or behind a rock and still be correct, so why did I get punished?
Communication to me is like an evolving virus, the more I understand it, the more complex it becomes. Passing on messages, interpreting ideas, displaying feelings and many more forms of communication have all infected our life. All of us have performed such actions before but I feel not many have fully understood it. I realized many of us have a perception that we are communicating effectively but that’s not usually the case. In a workplace context, the need to comprehend communication becomes even more obvious. The need to pass on message to other colleagues with clarity, presenting winning ideas to merchants and most importantly to convey messages to your boss (pay rise anyone?). Complex as it might be, we have to make sure our arsenal of skills in communication is fully equipped and ready to deploy.
Till now, I still have not fully grasp the idea of effective communication. Hopefully I will understand it soon enough and become a professional at the art of communication.
Oh, by the way, I chose the rock as my cover.
Monday, August 18, 2008
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