Conclusion
Well, thanks for all the comments and inputs. The ending to this story is actually a very sad one. Alice and Nicole did not talk about this incident and no closure to this problem was ever attempted. Jack and Nicole got involved in an accident, Jack survived, Nicole died. This situation has really taught me something deep. Any conflicts be it big or small should be settled asap. This situation could have been resolved if they really really sat down and talked about it. This incident has left Alice very remorseful even up till now.
Story of Alice and Nicole
This problem actually happened to 2 of my best female friends, which I am going to name Alice and Nicole.
Alice and Nicole were best of friends since secondary school. When they were studying in polytechnic, they used to work as waitresses at a restaurant. They enjoyed each other’s company very much and had a good relationship; at least that was what Nicole thought.
There was a guy (I’ll call him Jack) at their workplace that Alice started to fall in love with. Alice liked Jack a lot so she was always talking to him and they often went for supper after work with Nicole. After awhile Alice had the idea that Jack was also into her. However that was not the case, Jack had in fact fallen for Nicole and had started to woo her. (At this point I should clarify that both Jack and Nicole did not know that Alice likes Jack. Also, I am not sure if Jack had done anything to lead Alice into thinking that he likes her.)
The problem comes when Nicole and Jack got together. Alice got so mad at Nicole and started to spread evil rumors about Nicole and even blogged about her snatching away her “boyfriend” Jack. Things got out of hands and news spread to Nicole. Judging by how angry Nicole got, we knew their relationship is hanging by the thread.
What should all the 3 parties do? I wonder if anyone of them could have prevented this from happening.
*Digression
Being a science geek, I was searching through the web for definitions of interpersonal problems and the science of it. Stumbled upon this very interesting paper “Interpersonal Problems and Interpersonal Expectations in Everyday Life”. I read its introduction and discussion and going by the gist of it, this paper is very engaging, but sadly I am not knowledgeable enough to fully comprehend.
Well, thanks for all the comments and inputs. The ending to this story is actually a very sad one. Alice and Nicole did not talk about this incident and no closure to this problem was ever attempted. Jack and Nicole got involved in an accident, Jack survived, Nicole died. This situation has really taught me something deep. Any conflicts be it big or small should be settled asap. This situation could have been resolved if they really really sat down and talked about it. This incident has left Alice very remorseful even up till now.
Story of Alice and Nicole
This problem actually happened to 2 of my best female friends, which I am going to name Alice and Nicole.
Alice and Nicole were best of friends since secondary school. When they were studying in polytechnic, they used to work as waitresses at a restaurant. They enjoyed each other’s company very much and had a good relationship; at least that was what Nicole thought.
There was a guy (I’ll call him Jack) at their workplace that Alice started to fall in love with. Alice liked Jack a lot so she was always talking to him and they often went for supper after work with Nicole. After awhile Alice had the idea that Jack was also into her. However that was not the case, Jack had in fact fallen for Nicole and had started to woo her. (At this point I should clarify that both Jack and Nicole did not know that Alice likes Jack. Also, I am not sure if Jack had done anything to lead Alice into thinking that he likes her.)
The problem comes when Nicole and Jack got together. Alice got so mad at Nicole and started to spread evil rumors about Nicole and even blogged about her snatching away her “boyfriend” Jack. Things got out of hands and news spread to Nicole. Judging by how angry Nicole got, we knew their relationship is hanging by the thread.
What should all the 3 parties do? I wonder if anyone of them could have prevented this from happening.
*Digression
Being a science geek, I was searching through the web for definitions of interpersonal problems and the science of it. Stumbled upon this very interesting paper “Interpersonal Problems and Interpersonal Expectations in Everyday Life”. I read its introduction and discussion and going by the gist of it, this paper is very engaging, but sadly I am not knowledgeable enough to fully comprehend.
10 comments:
Ok I'm not a relationship expert, but let me try...
Perhaps Jack should try talking to Alice first? Since he is the root of the problem and Nicole is fuming mad anyway. He can try to clarify his stand and make her aware of how her behaviour is affecting all three of them.
Alternatively, get someone else (a mutual friend?) to talk to Alice? Let her realize that it was an unfortunate misunderstanding and also reflect on the value of her friendship with Nicole.
Try to stop Alice's negative behaviours. When these actions stop, perhaps Nicole will be less angry and more willing to talk to Alice directly?
I'm not sure.. rather confusing..
thanks for your input sharon, what was confusing to you? the complex relationship they got themselves into or I did not include enough details about this situation?
Jack should talk to Alice to let her know that all these while he was not into her. Maybe his actions has some what lead Alice on unknowingly and this is bad. I have seen these type of things happening to my friends and I personally encounter it once.
I have two friends(both are guys) and one pretty girl came in between them and from then on they are not friends anymore.
Hmm.. I think otherwise. I don't think Jack should talk to Alice first. What happens if Nicole knows about it? This will certainly make things worse. If there's a need to talk things through, I guess it will be better when all 3 are present. But still, Alice and Nicole needs time to cool down first. Things don't turn out nice during heated arguments. Also, it depends on individuals. If one is very stubborn, I guess it'll be tough to make one give in. So ultimately it depends on who's willing to give in. Love is a complicated thing, so I guess we outsiders can only give some advice, but ultimately, the problem can only be solved by the 3 of them- together.
Hey thomas, well somehow I feel that this event was inevitable. It could be that Jack had led Alice on, but I felt it is of low probabilty. After reading the whole post, I feel that the problem lies with Alice. It was one-sided love for Alice and eventually she did not manage to be with him. It was shocking for her to see Nicole with Jack at the end of the day. Hence, I feel that her thoughts manupilated her and she became a spiteful person.
I really feel that not much can be done here. Perhaps, Alice should just get over with it. =)
I guess this is really a test of friendship.
Sharon is right. We need a third party who is a friend of both Alice and Nicole (one who can see the situation clearly) to help them to clarify the misunderstanding and remind Alice that is not worth losing a friend over a guy. Furthermore, Jack should most probably explain to Alice that he is not fond of her in the first place (tactfully). And maybe apologize if any of his actions had caused any misunderstanding.
Thanks, Thomas! Very appropriate, clear and concise!
Hey Jason, i have the same thoughts as you too. we did ask jack to talk to alice but unfortunately jack is a rather reserved person and was unwilling to talk to alice.
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